Exploring Submission

“I go-ed to the park.”

Go-ed is not a word. No mature adult would use it. Instead, children misapply general but internalized rules of grammar as they learn to speak. This is a typical phase of language development called overgeneralization. These language “mistakes” fade as the child becomes more savvy about applying inconsistent rules. 

It took some deeply uncomfortable situations for me to realise I overgeneralized the idea of women and submission. Like many girls of my generation, I grew up in a sexual purity culture. Anyone who wanted to date me was required to ask my father for permission. I liked it. I didn’t have to reject anyone. Male hierarchy allowed me to hide behind others instead of setting my own boundaries. I did not need assertiveness skills if my dad or husband would take the heat for me.  As a bonus, the man was accountable to God when things went wrong.  

Have you ever squeezed your husband’s arm and said something like, “You are so strong!”? Complementing his manhood is powerful. Try a compliment like this and see if your man doesn’t stand a bit taller (even in jest). Men eat it up. This playful dynamic of marriage bleeds over into relationships where it doesn’t belong. Deferential or protection seeking behaviors elicit protective instincts from men. It places a man between a woman and God. Add some deferential admiration and what was overgeneralized submission becomes idolatry.

What is overgeneralized submission?

Women from purity culture learn to defer to all men. This gives men the power to define our boundaries and set our expectations. We abdicate our discernment and responsibility for our own bodies to the “protection” of men. For women surrounded by honorable men, this provides a sense of security. This can feel great, but it does not reflect God’s ideal for women as joint-heirs.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.  Galatians 3:26-29

Perhaps this is why scriptures repeats the directive for wives to submit to their own husband only. 

Wives submit to your OWN husbands: Col 3:18, Eph. 5:22, 1 Cor. 16:16

Outside the church, women are expected to bring their talents and skills to work as an equally competent contributor. We pray for favor from leaders but take responsibility for ourselves and our work. We advocate for ourselves and set personal limits. We are not afraid to encourage or challenge peers or leaders for the sake of the team. While we submit to authorities as is appropriate in Christ, we expect the same in return. In the same vein, we are at liberty to remove ourselves from abusive authority figures. We may seek other positions or file appropriate complaints when necessary. At all times we know God is ultimately our protector and provider. We look to Christ for help in times of trouble. This approach aligns with scriptural expectations of submission:

  • Submit to God: James 4:7, 
  • Submit to governing authorities: 1 Peter 2:13, 
  • Church leadership: Hebrews 13;17
  • Submit to your elders and each other: 1 Pe 5:5
  • Submit to one another: Eph 5:22

Overgeneralized submission hurts men as well.

Men bear a heavy weight as a result of oversubmission, as well. The bible is clear that leaders will be held accountable for those under their care or authority:

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. Heb 13:7

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7

God places an extra measure of accountability on those in leadership positions. Bearing this weight can be isolating when leading someone deferential and silent. Without the benefit of feedback and contribution, leaders are left in the position of “mighty lone ranger”. This ultimate authority leadership style is rarely beneficial.

Some examples of this dynamic in action: 

A male leader with a bent toward personal perfectionism and a lack of confidence may benefit from the information or skills possessed by a woman under their leadership. A woman who is intelligent and discerning could be experienced as judging or intimidating to the leader. As a result: 

  • The leader feels insecure and hesitant in allowing the woman to share her gifts. 
  • The woman does not feel free to bring her skills to the team.
  • The team suffers. 
  • The leader suffers
  • The woman suffers

On the other hand, perhaps a male leader wants to encourage women but has never learned to release and empower them. These men may mimic overly “assertive” authority in public “in jest”. This attempt at humor leaves room for misinterpretation: 

  • The woman might be seen as defiant if she laughs off the humor
  • The woman may limit bringing her gifts by responding to the leaders words at face value
  • The male leader risks appearing controlling
  • The male leaders intent is impeded

For men to move past this paradigm of overgeneralized authority takes extraordinary humility and strength of character. A solid leader doesn’t have to flex authority muscles. Instead they understand the difference between a leader and a boss. A boss is in charge but a leader releases others for successful service. Releasing another can mean scaffolding the path for others to learn and grow. It can also mean getting out of the way in order for others to share or shine.  

Overgeneralized submission hurts the church

Overgeneralized submission creates the opportunity for idolatrous relational patterns to emerge in the church. This could take the form of a deferential woman who overly admires a leader or leadership itself. It could be a man who enjoys the accolades of the limelight and the power of control. It can also shift to overly self-reliant women taking on extra responsibilities to deal with the fallout of living under imperfect leadership. She may lose sight of God as protector and provider making the problem, itself, an idol. 

Maturing through overgeneralized submission into savvy application of biblical submission requires weighing the orientation of our hearts. We monitor for signs of an authority figure obscuring God’s work in our lives. We purpose to value each member of the body as outlined in 1 Corinthian 12.  And we develop discernment between deference and honor, submission and idolatry, becoming an heir or walking in arrogance. When we get it right, women are released to serve the church without bowing lower than they ought.